A writing exercise
I want to try something, if you’ll let me.
Every Saturday night I join a group of people put together by a writing coach, and he gives us explanations on writing and exercises. The latest as I write this was an exercise on genre. You watch a scene from a movie or a show, anything visual. And then you rewrite it 3 times in different genres. I had a lot of fun and want to try it again, with you folks.
So here is what I want to do : I’ll take a portion of my own writing, and redo it twice. Right here. And you all can try to guess which one is the original. How’s that sound? Let’s give it a shot. Feel free to do it yourself too in the comments!
***
I grabbed my phone with a frown and a cigarette. Suddenly the kitchen chair wasn’t as comfortable. I opened the window a crack. I needed air. What the hell was going on?
“Hello Miss Tina,” came the smooth voice I’d been wanting to hear. I smiled. “I told you we’re past the Miss stage, didn’t I?”
I launched into the short monologue I’d prepared, recapping the earlier conversation with Laura. Cecile listened without interrupting. When I was done, they congratulated me for a job well done. They seemed impressed. “It’s not me really, it’s Laura.” I told them. I went on to explain how sweet and caring she was.
It was becoming easy to talk to them. Too easy. I didn’t like that.
“So, tell me about the ceremony,” I said while getting up to make coffee. I needed something to occupy my hands and thoughts.
Cecile softly laughed. They seemed to understand I was getting way out of my comfort zone talking to them about Laura. They indulged me without comment, though.
“The ceremony, as you know, will take place in 9 days. It involves Gianni, Eileen, and us. August will of course have a place of honor. What we need to do however is inform not only the dauphin but also the kingdom’s citizens. They’ve been kept out of the loop for far too long, most of them not even knowing Gianni exists.”
Right. “And how do you propose we do that?” The sarcasm was thick enough even they could spot it, I hoped.
“You already know the answer, dear Tina. Magic, and your help. You know this city better than any of us, and we need you to deliver letters to everyone living in it. I’ll handle the out-of-towners. Yes, I will teleport. No, not directly inside anyone’s home. I do have manners. Yes, I’ll let you know how it goes.”
***
Her phone was ringing. She frowned, took a cigarette out of her pack, and answered. The voice on the line wasn’t the one she expected to hear, maybe she should have checked the name before answering. She opened the window, just a crack, and took a deep breath.
The voice she had been longing for for days greeted her with a formal “Miss” she couldn’t bear. Forcing a laugh, she deflected and spoke the lines she’d prepared.
It was simple really, just a repeat of an earlier conversation with someone else. She let it all out in a breath, and waited impatiently for an answer. Oh, the butterflies that flew in her stomach as they complimented her! She could never let them know. They were not for her. “It’s not me really, it’s all Laura,” she said.
She went on and on about how sweet and caring Laura was, all the while wondering how to steer the conversation back to compliments.
A coffee would steady her nerves. She inquired about the ceremony. A soft laugh was her answer, and the butterflies rose and fell into an unknown dance only she could feel. Their voice as they explained their plan made her blush. She made the coffee she was craving, occupying her hands to keep her mind from wandering into romantic territory.
“The ceremony, as you know, will take place in 9 days. It involves Gianni, Eileen, and us. August will be the maid of honor. We need to inform the dauphin of course, but also the kingdom’s citizens. They’ve been kept in the dark far too long, most of them not even knowing Gianni exists.”
She knew all that but she had to hear it, had to listen to the smile in that voice. She asked for the specifics, wanting them to keep talking.
They did.
***
She awoke from nightmares to find her way to the kitchen table. On it, her phone and a pack of smokes. She took both, and used the first to call the person they so desperately needed. She’d barely lit her cigarette when they answered. “Hello, Miss Tina.”
She shivered. Of all the greetings they could come up with, it had to be that one.
Still half asleep, groggy from a bad night, she went to the coffee maker and prepared herself a strong one. She’d need it. “I have news,” she said. “Oh?”
A small, feral smile made its way to her lips. “Yeah.” She explained the plan she'd come up with the day before with Laura’s help. Mentioned which part were whose. Detailed as much as she could. She felt awful, she needed to talk and never stop.
When she reached the end, She realised she hadn’t been breathing for a while.
“What about you?” She asked, knowing the next part would be good.
Minerrale is a French writer and artist. No cats, no dogs, no husbands, just a rabbit helping her, she has all the time in the world to write, make art, and help others in their creative endeavours.
Minerrale writes all kinds of things, makes visual arts and photography pieces, and overall tries to help. With your support, she can keep the stories coming, and keep making art and photography pieces. Thank you, so much.